Juvenile

Justice or Projection?

A Therapist’s Take on Adolescence

The Intro

Yet another brilliant piece of British writing has appeared in the form of the short TV series on Netflix – Adolescence. Brilliant for many reasons, namely the acting on the part of Stephan Graham and Owen Cooper as well as the sweeping single-shot cinematography. I hold bias, but the Brits do it best when it comes to holding space for the raw and the awkward. Despite the British reputation for emotional restraint, when it comes to writing and music, we’re sound.

The Problem

There is no question that Adolescence has sparked controversy. I fear the undertones of dysfunction will be missed. Much like it does in many of my couple sessions. It’s typical for the battleground between a couple to be fought over misplaced socks, or how we park. Yet, what’s found wanting is the lack of understanding; not being heard.

It is also indicative of what my primed ear catches in coffee shops, grocery stores and on the playground. Where another lazy assessment fails to beget ownership, based on the latest group think narrative.

The Guilty

Men are often dismissed as ‘headline’ beings who lack patience or go silent. Maybe this is due to their tendency to internally process. Just because he isn’t talking, doesn’t mean he’s not thinking. While the headline of the show reads ‘misogyny strikes again’, we see little reflection upon bullying, lack of sexual boundaries and other variables. No doubt the intention of the writer - to drive engagement.

Variables such as: who Jamie’s teachers were, parental dynamics, how his peer group and interaction with girls shaped him. The issue is rarely the result of one cause. More contextual information could add more motive, but wouldn’t entice viewers as much.

A common pattern I see between couples, is that the guilty accuse first. A projection is employed to distract and sometimes even accuse our partners of our crime. Then when confusion settles in, doubling down on the ‘guilty’ party convinces them that they are indeed the problem.

While change is necessary (change that is also usually slow) no amount of emotional alarmism is going to speed up the process. I would argue it does the opposite and often invalidates an essential cause altogether. Which begs the question, is this a problem to solve or just a cause we can gather around and point at in unison.

The Ramifications

I see dangerous detrimental expressions of misogyny and accusations of toxicity toward men. In a time where women are more supported than they ever have been. I’m not sure using power to lash out is useful, nor ‘justice’ as a pretense for revenge.

Has the pendulum swung too far? Women are more represented in single-parent homes, amongst teachers in schools and post-secondary education. Women have more influence over young men than ever before. So why are young men struggling more, not less?

Are boys the problem? Is it those teaching them? Whatever is being taught or gleaned, the statistics suggest that it isn’t very conducive within a healthy functioning society. We can of course debate about what that is and whether we do have it at all. From a psychological perspective, understanding and improving what you had before is at its core.

We currently have more mental health issues than ever before. Is this a sign of greater awareness? Or a cultural tendency to accuse others, before holding ourselves accountable? It’s hard to admit that you suck. Yet we all do. Blaming individual people groups hasn’t got us very far in the past.

The Conclusion

You may conclude that I am doing that very thing. Much to the contrary. I am making a distinction between hyperbolic rhetoric and a real issue. While the statistics are irrefutable, highlighting them isn’t meant to be inflammatory. Holding someone accountable isn’t an attack. It’s ownership.

 If we want things to change, we need to focus less on the headlines and more on context. We need more people who are willing to lead, listen, and take ownership. That’s the work I’m interested in. If you are too, you’ll want to read what’s next: Delinquent.

At The Stigman Group, we don’t just talk about what’s wrong—we help men build what’s right. If you’re a man who’s been misunderstood, misrepresented, or just stuck… there’s a better way. Let’s find it together.