Nature, Nurture or Nudge.

Influence vs Parenting

A Therapist’s View of the Social Climate.

To follow on the theme of responsibility and ownership. Let’s look at who has influence over our children. Better yet, who should.

The nature v nurture debate attempts to explain the genesis of a person’s character. Their behaviour. This is determined by someone’s genetics, their nature. How they were nurtured, and their environment. 

“Genetics loads the gun,

personality and psychology aim it

and your experiences pull the trigger”

Jim Clemente, FBI behavioural analyst and criminal profiler.

Nature

The nature of who we are consists of our biology, physiology, and personality. We are created and designed in a specific way. Whether we are savvy to the design, process, purpose or not. As we grow, we reflect personality traits of our parents. The appearance of our family members. The susceptibilities of our bloodline. The complexion of our heritage.

Our dependence requires safety and protection. Our fallibility requires judgement and change. Our fragile ego requires structure and guidance. We are each individually designed for a predestined purpose. As a witness of the conception, birth and growth of a child. No other miracle can prove this so magnificently.

We are all different. There must be a specific reason. A unique personality. Temperament. Appearance. We may have genetic similarities to various family members. Yet we are our own special design.

Nurture

The nurture of who we are can be composed of a few environmental factors. I consider those inside and outside the home to be radically different. I think they should be assessed separately.

Now inside the home a traditional idea of nurturing is a collective effort of parents. Location of the home. Socio-economic status. Number of children. Number of family members living in the home, or close by. The morality or religion of the family. Their discipline method. The possibility of conflict or sickness in the home. How often the family moves. These are considerations on the potential challenges and health of a home.

Beyond our home, cultural and social influences impact how we live. The political landscape. The culture of our family. The culture of where we live. The standard of living. The health and safety of our country. Our parents’ collective decisions outside the home also play a part in our development. Who they chose as their community, who we can associate with. What events we attend.

Our school or education will shape us uniquely too. What education we get. What school we attend. What type of parents our own parents rub shoulders with. For our social development we battle peer-pressure. Cliques. Groups and a sense of belonging. Sameness.

The environment around us forms a major part of our formative years. Years of discovery. Identity. Integration.

Nudge

The nudge of who we are relates to parental intention. It’s the private correction. The hard conversation. Presence without persecution. It’s when we assert our family values. When we ask our child to apologize, intercept assertively or to display generousity. It’s a father choosing right over difficult. Accountability over blame. Honesty over shame.

I believe it’s the nudge that makes the biggest difference. Separates surviving from leading. Empowers trust. Builds confidence. Supports the individual. Understands that a different approach is needed for each child. Encourages critical thinking. Space for learning.

In a culture where passivity is easy, nudging is courageous and it’s right.

To Conclude

As suggested by Jim Clemente’s quote, I believe our lives are shaped by a trilogy of forces – Nature, Nurture and the Nudge.

Nature as discussed, is our design. Our genetic blueprint. Loading of the gun comes in the form of our predispositions. Traits, talents and vulnerabilities.

Nurture shapes our worldview. How we interact with our environment. How we respond to it. Aiming the gun comes not only through comfort and security. But also, by exposure, support, example and reinforcement. Not just embrace, but by conditioning.

Nudge is intentional. It’s a calculated risk. Every parent’s fear, every parent’s duty. Pulling the trigger is the challenge. The command. The feedback. The belief. The empowerment. The failure. The lesson.

We are born from Nature, shaped by Nurture and directed by the Nudge.

At The Stigman Group, we do more than help men cope. We help them lead. We’re here to help you become the kind of man you know you’re meant to be — strong, grounded, and present.
You don’t have to figure it out alone.