An Ugly Game

Sheep in Goats Clothing

A Therapist’s View on World Cup 2026.

Identity

Without much structure and consistency in my childhood home, the fragments that made the biggest impact on me have shaped who I am. Broken homes, physical threats, football, the solace of a movie soundtrack, the freedom of a bike, the spiritual presence at Bible camp.

At the genesis of my identity development in my teenage years, one of my earliest football memories was watching Euro 1996. I watched England’s victory over the Netherlands with my church youth group. A fond and distant memory. I should order the shirt to honour the memory, as I place much importance on the timestamps of our lives.

I consider that a core memory in a doctrinal secular sense. It was one of the few areas where I felt competent, grew to feel comfortable. It was an outlet for my frustration, a positive direction for my pain. I became a leader on a 5-a-side pitch. Seeing gaps and opportunities before most, conducting team-mates accordingly. I didn’t have to think, the touch and the timing was natural. The best football is played between the lines, beyond what the average punter can see.

Brotherhood

Now, while I have a sour taste in my mouth over England’s World Cup exit. Partly because of the history with the opponent, and partly because England capitulated after being ahead. There is something to say for the brotherhood and camaraderie of the Argentinian national team. They fight for each other. Right and often wrong they back each other up and put their bodies on the line for their brothers. An admirable quality and how you win a fight. It’s not the only way to win, mind.

How you fight determines your popularity over time and I don’t think Argentina have done themselves any favours, despite their determination. Argentina holds a similar status on the world stage to my club, Chelsea. Not the most popular team in Europe, due to the amount of money pumped through the door, be it for a different reason. Attitudes tend to change when a club takeover comes your way, money talks.

In any case, it’s not how you win, but how you wear your win. Are you arrogant and repugnant in victory, or are you cordial and respectful? In view of the Argentina’s victory over England and their loss to Spain in the final, it was far from collectively cordial.

Victory

When multiple top players have spoken about the on-field antics of Messi, does that tarnish his trophy cabinet? Conduct can easily be forgotten or overlooked when the dust of victory settles. It’s easy to do given his recent success, however favoured. Now character may not necessarily equate to how good you are at scoring goals, but it is a large determinant of how complete a player you are.

You may only be interested in goals, trophies, or player ratings. Yet, I think we should be more interested in character and conduct of players, as that is what maintains and defines a legacy. I appreciate this ages me. I too once thought only in metrics, as well as the beautiful art of the game. Now I’m more mature, I have a more holistic view.

I want my team to win, but I want them to win well. That is, to play beautiful football with courage, and determination. How I used to play, with much less success. Also, I would hope conduct to be exemplary and sportsmanship to be of a high standard. Less diving, embellishment, finger-pointing. I appreciate the margins are very fine in the biggest games, but I personally would not aim to cut corners. I never want to win dishonestly; despite how much it might cost me.

Honour

One player that embodied the beautiful game at the World Cup was Jude Bellingham. My shout for the golden ball, he carried the three lions on his back for large parts of the tournament. He’s only 23.

Jude played like a man much older than he. Mature, confident, knowing his value and his worth. A player who displayed resilience all over the grass and off it. Despite the adversity in a couple of matches, took the bull by the horns and galvanized older players around him. A born leader.

His conduct toward fans who others passed by is exemplary, taking time others won't. The Los Merengues number 5 shirt holds an incredible amount of weight and he carries it. If I had an example my boy could follow, I think Bellingham is a solid bet.

How is this young lad so stout in character at such a young age. Born leader yes, but you must nurture, support and encourage it. His father, now his agent, was a police sergeant full-time while also playing 25 years of non-league football scoring 700 goals. That's intentional fathering. Jude succeeds where his father's hard work and foundation left off.

Legacy

With the idea that the best football is played between the lines, can we not aim for that in our leadership. Incorporating a tight-knit brotherhood, that stands in the gap for others. Primarily in our families, but relationally and occasionally outside. With an attitude of the greater good, not just our good, but everyone’s. That is, to be empathetic but not enabling. Thoughtful, but not thankless. Generous, but not careless. Meek, but not mild. Safe, but not soft.

We might not be as competent as Jude at 23, but we can build a competent 23-year-old from our own stock. There is only one candidate for the greatest of all time, but for us mere humans GOAT-hood is temporal. We cannot live just for the moment. We need to be consistent, plan for future replication and legacy. Who do I want my boy to admire?

My boy may never wear the captain’s armband, win a league or world title. Yet, he will still lead in many capacities. My aim is to build a leader that will transcend role or title, bestow attitude over achievement. Off the pitch I’m the closest example my boy has. What am I teaching him about who to be, whether we win or lose? How I treat my wife when I’m under financial pressure, or how I treat my kids when sleep and self-care evade me?We’re all leaving a legacy.The best players are the best not just for what they win, but because of who they become.

That’s a beautiful game plan.