Earn the Moment

Pastor not a Popstar

A Therapist’s View on a Scandal of Grace

Identity

I’m a Hillsong graduate. I spent three and a half years in Sydney, Australia, absorbing excellent leadership lessons, a positive outlook on life my dark world needed at the time. I experienced God in new and powerful ways, and I met my wife. This gift and opportunity completely changed the course of my life; it has never been the same. I will be forever grateful for the chance and all who made it possible.

Fellow students for a brief period, I knew Carl from a distance. He appeared to be the American Christian trust-fund type. Disingenuous chip-on the shoulder without a beef to be disgruntled about. I was also having my own crisis of identity at the time; mine was less bravado, more brittle. Although I added a flash of colour on neatly pressed polos to distract from my fragility. Not the white type, mind.

I understand his sport of choice was basketball, mine was football. I lacked the knowledge, support and opportunity to play professionally. I played recreationally for a long time to appease my passion and joy. While I believe I had the talent, skill and determination to succeed in the sport, I was never a footballer.

I didn’t try to act like one, dress like one or claim I was some kind of British gangster/footballer hybrid. However much I wanted to be one, I couldn’t be incongruent with who I was, even though I was still a work in progress. I did date the idea of becoming ‘African American’ to align with the soundtrack of my youth, another identity that couldn’t with any authenticity last.

Authenticity

While we should expect young people to dip their toes in various iterations of who they think they should be, parental and positive influences should have more sway. Mature adulthood should also be comfortable enough to embrace who we are, not what we try to be, think we should be, or avoid being because we fear not fitting in. Comparison can be a slippery and terrible slope.

It’s not wrong to aspire to be better or great, but we must be careful about defining what great is. We are enticed by movie, sports and other stars we see online. Yet, at what point does money equal good? Likely fun and cool or whatever words young people use today, but sustainable and authentic is something else.

I understand in the church that many undeveloped Gen Z proponents will still idolise a celebrity church pastor, hanging on their every word. I even know someone who had the title of our protagonist’s first book tattooed on their arm. Permanently marking their skin, in the fashion of a charismatic slogan. I would expect a little more from millennials, but I’m not that optimistic.

Unfortunately, COVID bandwagoning damaged my view of humanity and Christendom altogether at the genesis of this scandal. Groupthink empathy and short-term solutions exposed deficiencies in online theological competency. Yes, Jesus was empathetic towards others, as we should be. God had also appeared very differently in the Old Testament when His people failed in their disobedience. Christ balanced the narrative that required His arrival and its completion. You can’t have a scandal of grace without the necessity of redemption.

Redemption

Now while I’m ignorant to many of God’s ways and devoid of much of the bigger picture narrative for the present day, God is not limited by my feeble understanding. Considering how much I must cognitively navigate now, I can’t imagine wanting to take a bite of an apple I have no business being able to navigate. Psychedelics exit stage left.

Despite my justice-orientated approach to this issue, God can still use anyone and anything according to His will. He used a donkey after all. There’s no question God has continued to use Carl and Laura to reach and impact people’s lives. Maybe they’re just not my people.

I emerged from a broken home. I have suffered as the victim of parental infidelity on both sides. I also speak to clients whose lives and homes have been devastated by repeated lapses in judgement. In my practice I actively work hard to prevent this, to reduce the prevalence of shattered hearts. Years of unnecessary pain.

Now while one could view this as a redemptive lay-up. God can move powerfully to restore and heal lives. Yet, God isn’t always invited to the make-up party. It doesn’t mean God can’t move, now or in the future. I just don’t think we should be so arrogant to roll the dice on someone else’s behalf. Some may be glad that Carl can recover in luxurious obscurity, yet many of us haven’t had the opportunity to ride the coattails of another’s legacy.

Legacy

Our goal as Christians can be summarized as reflecting Christ through an active relationship with Him, empowered by the Holy Spirit. More specifically, to love God with our whole heart, mind and soul. Love others, as we love ourselves. Obey Christ, make disciples, proclaim the gospel, pursue holiness, serve faithfully, care for others, forgive others, pray continually, gather with believers and be a witness to Christ. All as a response to His grace, not to earn it.

No small feat. A continuous and ever-growing process of sanctification. A set of tasks that will never be complete, but enough space and instruction for us to grow and better ourselves for others. That is where I have issue. Granted from afar, yet do humility and humiliation ever cross paths?

In any case, I have mourned many fallen leaders in recent years for various reasons. I don’t enjoy highlighting failures, yet when they are too big and cause too much damage, it must be addressed.

I’m glad the new book (Overcoming Infidelity) will help many women process a similar pain they may have endured. I question how much it will do for the innocent bystanders - the children, and for men. I hope I’m wrong. It may offer preventative information of what not to do, rather than appear as damage control material. Either way, it can never act as an exhaustive therapeutic approach to marriage health.

Beyond that, with The Secrets of Hillsong in mind, what of the congregants who were left to clean up the aftermath? The lies and deception that they must seek closure for. Even reassess their faith in ecclesial leadership and faith in the one who gives us grace. Who is their God now?

Repentance

I appreciate the weight of the previous position from a distance. It would be a lot of pressure to be a pastor. To be a Christian father and husband in today’s world harbours an immense fine line of scrutiny that few will understand. A difficult job, which is why you must utilise the support and oversight available to you.

I have lacked support my whole life, mainly due to my father abandoning me. The reason why I walk with a limp today and why this matters so much. Thankfully our protagonist hasn’t abandoned his kids. Yet, where has he left his team and congregants? Being airlifted from an accident secures your protection and potential to heal. Did your congregants have access to the same exit strategy?

One act shouldn’t define a character, but many can. How quickly and honestly you respond to failure reflects character. I understand that in both these cases, our protagonist was found wanting. “What’s the heart behind this question?”, our protagonist has asked - I would say accountability. The comprehensive kind.

Not to mention what I perceived as false humility. Public repentance is one thing. Demonstrating accountability to those harmed is another. All while returning to a public platform, despite the previous one exceeding the character required to sustain it. While I wish readers of the Lentzes’ book better, I wish the best for those of us who work tirelessly and honourably in the background.

None of us are devoid of sin, weakness or failure (that’s where God does His best work). We cannot earn grace, as grace is freely given. Yet, positions of leadership require demonstrated character, genuine humility and consistent accountability.

Earn the moment.